don't be cynical

i open up craigslist and type keywords that describe my ideal apartment, hardwood, dog ok, garden, townhouse, laundry.

Go.

Jan 23 - $800 / 2br - Exquisite remodeled Condo - (Beverly Hills)

Click.

$800 / 2br - Exquisite remodeled Condo  (Beverly Hills)

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Date: 2010-01-23, 11:21PM PST
Reply to: whatareyouhiding@craigslist.org

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Exquisite remodeled Penthouse with direct unit access in Prime Beverly Hills location. This designer home features beautiful views of Century City and surrounding areas. The open plan includes hardwood floors, gourmet top-of-the-line kitchen, custom cabinetry / doors and large balcony. Great entertainers plan with close proximity to the shops, restaurants and nightlife of Beverly Hills.

Upon finishing, it’s easy to coculde the ad must be untrue. It’s a lie. Hopefully, it’s an accidental lie and not the work of some fucking wussy i’m-too-scared-to-look-you-in-the-eye cyber crook who lures gullible idiots to the “Therapy Row Adjacent” neighborhood of Beverly Hills.

Fucking idiot landlords who don’t understand how to use the internet, and get peoples’ hopes up.

But just then, a trusted voice sounded in my head, don’t be cynical.

oh shit.

What if this craigslist ad wasn’t a mistake? What if i was viewing a completely accurate ad for the all-time best lease deal ever? It’s not rational, but it’s not impossible.

So i follow the voice, and dig a little deeper.

Google shows me the apartment on a map and informs me that two properties are available at my address. #103 and #401. I check the craigslist ad (#401) and click the link to the for sale listing:

2 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms 2,053 sq. ft.
Exquisite Remodeled Penthouse With Direct Unit Access In Prime Beverly Hills Location. This Designer Home Features Beautiful Views Of Century City And Surrounding Areas. The Open Plan Includes Hardwood Floors, Gourmet Top-of-the-line Kitchen, Custom Cabinetry / Doors And Large Balcony. Great Entertainers Plan With Close Proximity To The Shops, Restaurants And Nightlife Of Beverly Hills.

$1,165,000

Well it seems less likely than ever that the first ad is accurate and that this is going to be within my price range. But even this new information doesn’t prove that the claims in the first ad were impossible. DBC. Um. ok well this is an awesome place and I want to live here, so i guess i need to do what I’d do if I found this to be realistic.

I start the email a couple times with great frustration…

I think that maybe you made a mistake in your ad…

There’s no way you’re trying to rent this place for $800 per month but…

Are you some rich jerk who is thinking of buying this BH condo and you want to see how much you could rent it out for and you’re retarded?

Did no one tell you how to list a shared listing? This place is $800 for one of two bedrooms, right?

but the voice stopped me every time, why are you writing this?

and i realized that i was more worried about what the potential jerk who reads the email would think of me, than i was even thinking about the reason why i was emailing him. And it occurred to me, if the deal was legit, insulting the owner or manager while simultaneously revealing my insecure losership, isn’t the best idea. I have to write this letter as if i believe that what i want is possible.

hello -

I’m very interested in this unit and would love to check it out if it is still available.

I’m looking for a place for myself. I can come by anytime Monday afternoon or all day Tuesday or Wednesday.

Can you confirm that this is a 2bd that you are renting for $800 per month? I’ve always wanted to live in one of those buildings.

thank you!

Send.

I wanted to type I can pay you 2 months + deposit upfront but i thought that might sound too eager and could inspire the guy to reevaluate his pricing.

I have to repeatedly tell myself that it doesn’t matter that this probably isn’t going to work. that’s not the point. hmmm.

I may feel like a gullible fool but at least now there’s a possibility that my actions may reap positive outcomes. It’s hard to make fun of that.